There was a Young Lady of Troy,
Whom several large flies did annoy;
Some she killed with a thump,
Some she drowned at the pump,
And some she took with her to Troy.
There was an Old Man of the East,
Who gave all his children a feast;
But they all ate so much
And their conduct was such
That it killed that Old Man of the East.
There was an Old Man of Madras,
Who rode on a cream-coloured ass;
But the length of its ears,
So promoted his fears,
That it killed that Old Man of Madras.
Goldilocks was killed last night.
The killers did it with their own bear hands.
Did you hear about the guy who got killed by a bear?
It was a grizzly death.
What soup killed Rob Stark? Italian Wedding Massacre.
If Princess Toad looked liked you, I would have killed Bowser years ago.
What happened when Napoleon got killed with a bomb?
Napoleon Blownapart.
Fortune-teller was killed by a car bomb
Couldn’t foresee the C4.
Did you hear about the cross-eyed teacher that got killed by her students?
She couldn’t control her pupils.
A guy named Bart walks into a bar, he immediately gets shot and dies. Who killed him?
The Bartender.
Did you know they tested the Mars rover against animal attacks?
They had to switch to dogs because Curiosity killed the cat.
My friend was killed by a 2 ton sack of falling chickpeas
The police verdict? Hummuscide.
What did the first century Christian say about the lion that killed his wife?
I'm Gladiator.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?

Have it killed and then cran-bury it.