Did you hear about the forgetful unicorn mom? She kept feeding her kids milk of amnesia.
I was trying to look at a picture of the ocean but kept having to reload the page, it finally worked after 5 attempts.
That was refreshing to sea.
Why did the lemon fail its driving test?
Because it kept peeling out
What illness kept Avogadro in bed for two months?
Why did the Cold War go on for so long?
Because Russia kept Stalin.
Today I learned that the Pentagon was supposed to be the Octagon.
But the contractor kept cutting corners.
Why was the coffee-shop worker fired? He kept showing up in a Tea-shirt.
Why did the Easter bunny fire the duck?
He kept quacking all the eggs.
Why was the dogwood always making bad choices? Because he kept barking up the wrong tree.
Why was the pine tree always in trouble? It kept being knotty.
Why did the detective lose his second job at the airport?
He kept cracking cases.
Why did the boy feel warm on his birthday?
Because people kept toasting him!
Your parents should have thrown you away and kept the stork.
There once was a man from Nantucket,
Who kept all of his cash in a bucket,
But his daughter, named Nan,
Ran away with a man,
And as for the bucket, Nantucket.
For you men who think a woman's place is in the kitchen, remember... that's where the knives are kept.