Holes

At an art gallery, a woman and her ten-year-old son were having a tough time choosing between one of my paintings and another artist's work.
They finally went with mine.
"I guess you decided you prefer an autumn scene to a floral," I said.
"No," said the boy. "Your painting's wider, so it'll cover more holes in our wall."
Why did the Jack-O-Lantern go to the pumpkin patch?
Because he had holes in him.
Can You Please Shoot Me Some More?
Can You Please Shoot Me Some More? Dave the ranch hand had just finished up his work for the evening and is about to get into his car when a man dressed in black appears from the bushes with a gun in his hand. "Give me everything you've got!" he screeches at Dave. So Dave hands over his money and his wallet, but as the man is about to leave Dave stops him. "Say..." he says to the robber. "Could you shoot a few bullets in my hat to make it look to my wife like I was truly afraid for my life? She'd think I spent it on booze and gambling otherwise." The robber had a wife too so he agreed and shot a few holes in Dave's hat. Dave then asked, "Please shoot a few bullets in the coat while you're at it, I want to look like I fought you and not like a coward." The criminal sighed and shot the coat. Then Dave said: "Can you please shoot-" "please, no more, I'm out of bullets!" said the mugger tiredly. "That's what I wanted to hear." Smiled Dave unpleasantly. "Now give me back the wallet and some more money for the hat and coat you destroyed before I beat you black and blue!"
Did you hear about the golfer who started a colonoscopy clinic?
He does 18 holes a day.
He who stands with hands in pockets feels foolish.
He who stands with holes in pockets feels nuts.
What do you get if you cross a mouse with a Triceratops? Enormous holes in the base boards.
Yo Momma so stupid she cut holes in her umbrella to see if it was raining.
What girl likes it in all her holes at the same time?
Mrs. Potato Head.
There once was a man from Iraq
Who had holes down the length of his c**k
When he got an erection
It'd play a selection
From Johann Sebastian Bach.
What do you get if you cross a worm and an elephant? Very big worm holes in your garden.
Did you ever hear the joke about the three holes in the ground?
Well, well, well.