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Given Jokes

Funny Groucho Marx Quotes
"My mother loved children - she would have given anything if I had been one."
"I wish to be cremated. One tenth of my ashes shall be given to my agent, as written in our contract."
Cherry Puns
What did the cherry say when it was given a bunch of flowers? You are cherry sweet.
British Pick Up Lines
Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can meet them.
Utensils Puns
I found a cutlery dispenser that doesn’t work properly
No forks were given.
Funny Animal Quotes
“Watching a dog try to chew a large piece of toffee is a pastime fit for gods. Mr. Fusspot’s mixed ancestry had given him a dexterity of jaw that was truly awesome. He somersaulted happily around the floor, making faces like a rubber gargoyle in a washing machine.”—Terry Pratchett
Pig Puns
Why was the pig given a red card at the football game?
For playing dirty.
Funny Birthday Poems
For you, nothing in this world
I would ever trade
You are more precious to me
Than a dazzling Jade
From every troubles of life
You have given me bail
Today I promise that for you
My love will never fail
Mushroom Puns
When finally the encyclopedia on mushrooms was out, it was given the title ‘A Fungi-de to the Mushrooms’.
Frankenstein Puns
Sad to hear that Baron von Frankenstein has given up on his dream of being an actor.
He couldn’t get the parts.
Literary Pick Up Lines
Charles Dickens might have given you Great Expectations, but I can meet them.
Witch Puns
What kind of tests are witches given in school?
Hex-aminations.
History Puns
The yearbook superlative that Robert Lee had given in his graduation was "Most likely to secede."
When the proposal of building a parking lot was given to Richard III, he told said, "Over my dead body."
Food Quotes
“I believe it’s a cook’s moral obligation to add more butter given the chance.”
― Michael Ruhlman
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