Did you hear about the guy who forgot to use the colander when making mac and cheese? His wife gave him a restraining order.
An Old Husband and Wife Discuss Golf
"How was your golf game, dear?" asked Jack's wife.
"Well I was hitting pretty well, but my eyesight's gotten so bad I couldn't see where the ball went."
"Well you're 75 years old now, Jack, why don't you take my brother Scott along?" suggested his wife.
"But he's 85 and doesn't even play golf anymore," protested Jack.
"But he's got perfect eyesight. He could watch your ball." his wife pointed out.
The next day Jack teed off with Scott looking on. Jack swung, and the ball disappeared down the middle of the fairway.
"Do you see it?" asked Jack.
"Yup," Scott answered.
"Well, where is it?" yelled Jack, peering off into the distance.
Man wakes up and says nothing. Wife annoyed shouts, “You’ve forgotten what day it is haven’t you.” Man goes to work and confides to a colleague, “I think I forgot my wife’s birthday.” “Not a problem,” he replies. Just go out and buy her a beautiful new dress and a pearl necklace.” After work the man races home and showers his wife with gifts. “Oh darling,” she replies, “ what a beautiful new outfit to pick my mother up from the airport in.”