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Finished

Lion Puns
Just finished my first shift as a lion impersonator.
It was a roaring success.
Snake Puns
What do you do if you find a black mamba in your toilet?
Wait until he’s finished.
Rabbit Puns
Why are bunnies always tired in April? Because they just finished a March.
Quotes
“My therapist told me the way to achieve true inner peace is to finish what I start. So far I’ve finished two bags of M&Ms and a chocolate cake. I feel better already.”
Dave Barry
Blond Jokes
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
Dirty Limericks
There once was a man from Bel Air
Who was doing his wife on the stair
But the banister broke
So he doubled his stroke
And finished her off in mid-air.
Dirty Short Jokes
As a hooker was dressing, she turned to her customer and asked, "Have you just gotten out of prison?"
"Yeah," the guy replied. "How did you guess? Is it because I wanted to have se* from the rear?"
"Partly." She said. "But more because when we finished, you ran around in front of me, bent over, and shouted, 'YOUR TURN.'"
What does a woman and Kentucky Fried Chicken have in common? By the time you're finished with the breast and thighs, all you have left is the greasy box to put your bone in.
Engineering Puns
I just finished my masters in engineering with a concentration in adhesives...
Within the next year I want to publish my first book on tape.
Dog Puns
What did the Dalmatian say when he finished his meal?
That really hit the spot.
Funny Poems
Funny Poems Page 1

One evening I wrote to John and I guess I was expressing my frustrations with not having enough time as I had a briefcase full of work to do that evening. Jaymac, in his wisdom, sent me back the following funny but inspirational poem:

Briefcase with an Engine
Poet: John McLeod

Fit your briefcase with an engine
Go skateboarding in the sun
Loop the loop, do aerobatics,
Laugh a lot and have great fun!

'Cook a snook' at paper empires
Save a forest, every tree
And remember, above all,
To do it happily!

It reminded me life is too short to let work frustrate me. Reading John's words of wisdom helped relieve my stress as I found myself smiling when I finished reading the poem. And, smiling and laughing is a great stress reliever!

Many times during my career I let my work control my life. Looking back at the times where I allowed my work to create stress and frustration in my life I now realize what I thought was important really was not. I am not say
Blonde Jokes
A blond calls her mom...
Blond: "Mom mom!! I'm a genius!"
Mother: "Really dear? How's that possible?"
Blond: "I finished a puzzle that I've been working on for 1 year and on the box it said 'for 2-5 yrs'."
One Liners and Short Jokes
After the doctor finished up with my prostrate exam the nurse came in and said three words I didn’t want to hear...
“Who was that?”
Egg Puns
I was visiting my dear old Grandpa the other day when he said to me, "Let me give you a bit of advice. You can't make an omelette..."
"Without breaking eggs?" I finished for him.
"No. You can't make an omelette," he said, as he scraped it into the bin.
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