There was a young fellow named Clyde, who fell in an outhouse and died. Along came his brother, and fell in another, and now they're interred side by side.
An ambitious young fellow named Matt, Tried to parachute using his hat. Folks below looked so small, As he started to fall, Then got bigger and bigger and SPLAT!
There was a young fellow named Hall, who died in the spring in the fall. 'Twould have been a bad thing, had he died in the spring, but he didn't — he died in the fall.
There was a young fellow named Weir, Who hadn't an inch of fear. He indulged a desire, To touch a live wire, And he celebrated by drinking beer.
There was an odd fellow named Gus, When travelling he made such a fuss. He was banned from the train, Not allowed on a plane, And now travels only by bus.
A fellow jumped off a high wall, And had a most terrible fall. He went back to bed, With a bump on his head, That's why you don't jump off a wall.
There once was a fellow named Abe And today is the day he was slayed John Wilkes Booth took his life As he sat with his wife Who was visibly shocked and dismayed
In Kentucky Abe Lincoln was born A State that would later be torn When a war was declared And a nation prepared For a lot of dead soldiers to mourn
He moved the Hoosier State Where they always have corn on their plate In the law he was trained Much respect he attained Winning many a rousing debate
In The Senate he later would serve With copious gusto and verve Then The White House he sought Which he won by a lot But many down south were unnerved
As President, Lincoln decided That the law of the land was misguided And that slaves should be freed But the south disagreed And the country was badly divided
What ensued was a horrible war Full of death and destruction galore The battles were heated The south was defeated But one aimed to settle the score
Now one hundred and forty-nine years
That's What You Get For Speeding
A police officer in a small town stopped a motorist who was speeding down Main Street.
"But officer." the man began, "I can explain".
"Just be quiet," snapped the officer. "I'm going to let you cool your heels in jail until the chief gets back..."
"But officer, I just wanted to say...."
"And I said to keep quiet! You're going to jail!"
A few hours later the officer looked in on his prisoner. The guy looked really down, so to cheer him up a bit he said, "Lucky for you that the chief is at his daughter's wedding. He'll be in a good mood when he gets back."
"Don't count on it," came the gloomy answer from the cell. "I'm the groom."