Difference Jokes

"Why don't you go home to your wife? Better yet, I'll go home to your wife, and outside of the improvement, she won't notice any difference."
What is the difference between a deer running away and a small witch?
One is a hunted stag and one is a stunted hag!
If you can tell me the difference between Flag Day and the 4th of July, I will buy you a drink.
“What is the difference between a taxidermist and a tax collector? The taxidermist takes only your skin” –Mark Twain
What's the difference between French fries and orange juice?
You can make orange juice out of orange, but not French fries out of French
What's the difference between roast beef and pea soup?
Anybody can roast beef!
What’s the difference between mashed potatoes and pea soup?
Anyone can mash potatoes.
What's the difference between black eyed peas and chickpeas?
Black eyed peas can sing a tune, chickpeas can only hummus one.
The difference between popcorn and pea soup, is that you can pop corn, but you can't pea soup.
“To make a difference in someone’s life you don’t have to be brilliant, rich, beautiful, or perfect you just have to care enough and be there.”
— Unknown
What's the difference between a person that just won the lottery and a fairy in salt water?
One is tickled pink, the other is a pickled Tink.
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
Whats the difference between onions and girls?
I cry when I cut up onions.
What's the difference between chemistry and cooking
In chemistry you should never lick the spoon.
I know the difference between "less" and "fewer," but don't worry, you won't have to ask me for either of them.
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