Cross

The Crucifying Commercial
The Crucifying Commercial Benson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Benson's Nails. "Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with an ad." A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Benson. He opens his laptop and presses play. A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He turns to face the camera and says with a grin "Use Benson's Nails, they'll hold anything." Benson goes mad shouting: "What is the matter with you? They'll never show that on TV. Give it another try, but no more Romans crucifying Jesus!" Another week goes by and the marketing man comes back to see Benson with another ad. He turns his laptop around and hits play. This time the camera pans out from a Roman standing with his arms folded to show Jesus on the cross. The Roman looks up at him and says 'Benson's Nails, they'll hold anything'. Benson is beside himself. "You don't understand: I don't want anything with Jesus on the cross! Now listen, I'll give you one last chance. Come back in a week with an advertisement that I can broadcast." A week passes and Benson waits impatiently. The marketing executive arrives and puts on the new video. A naked man with long hair, gasping for breath, is running across a field. About a dozen Roman soldiers come over the hill, hot on his trail. One of them stops, turns to camera and says 'If only we had used Benson's Nails!'.
Some marine biologists argued about how best to handle angry dolphins.
The were working at cross porpoises.
Why did the chicken cross the Mobius Strip? To get to the same side.
What do you get if you cross Islam and Capitalism?
No more jokes about the profit.
Why did the chicken cross the road? It was playing crossy road.
Why did the rooster cross the road?
He heard there were some hot chicks on the other side.
What do you get when you cross a human and a pear?
A pear-son.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was on a roll.
Did you hear about the sea captain who made a special salt-proof boat for the salty waters of the ocean?
It was a sailing solution to cross a saline solution.
What do you get when you cross a "bad idea for using fur" with 86 billion neurons?
A hare-brained idea.
“I have noticed that even people who claim everything is pre­determined and that we can do nothing to change it look before they cross the road.”
Stephen Hawking
What do you get if you cross a pelican and zebra? Two streets further away.
A zebra is the safest place to cross the road. Unless you are actually a zebra.
What do you call a cross between a donkey and a zebra?
Debra.
Why did the lion cross the road? Because he saw a zebra-crossing...
I saw a guy trying to cross a really busy street. Trying to be helpful, I said, “You know, there is a zebra crossing 50ft ahead.”
He said, “I hope he’s having a better luck than I am.”