Roman Jokes

If Roman Emperor Nero was born in Egypt..
He might have been a Far-o.
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
My Ph.D thesis was on cattle raised in the Roman city of Pompeii. To understand it all I had to visit the ancient mooins.
Did Roman architecture emphasize forum over function?
After Jesus's trial was complete, he asked the Roman soldier closest to him what was going to happen next.
"I don't know. I'll keep you posted."
Doofus was the stupidest of Roman generals.
My wife and I agreed for some Roman foreplay
I agreed to be Caesar and my wife was the beautiful Cleopatra
I got stabbed 23 times
Why can't a pirate count Roman numerals?
They got lost at C
How good/bad was the Internet at the time of the Roman Emperors?
Let me put it that way: the lag was so bad it took Jesus three days just to respawn and he got disconnected soon afterwards.
What did the ancient roman dad name his fat newborn?
Voluminous.
I heard people are trying to ban roman numerals.
Not on my watch.
What's the difference between a Roman and an Irish Catholic?
The strength of the communion wine.
What did the anciient Roman soldier tell his girlfriend?
You are a solid X
What roman never gets any dates?
Hidius
How did the Roman senators picked who will be first to stab the emperor?
They played rock paper Caesar
The Crucifying Commercial
The Crucifying Commercial Benson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Benson's Nails. "Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with an ad." A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Benson. He opens his laptop and presses play. A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He turns to face the camera and says with a grin "Use Benson's Nails, they'll hold anything." Benson goes mad shouting: "What is the matter with you? They'll never show that on TV. Give it another try, but no more Romans crucifying Jesus!" Another week goes by and the marketing man comes back to see Benson with another ad. He turns his laptop around and hits play. This time the camera pans out from a Roman standing with his arms folded to show Jesus on the cross. The Roman looks up at him and says 'Benson's Nails, they'll hold anything'. Benson is beside himself. "You don't understand: I don't want anything with Jesus on the cross! Now listen, I'll give you one last chance. Come back in a week with an advertisement that I can broadcast." A week passes and Benson waits impatiently. The marketing executive arrives and puts on the new video. A naked man with long hair, gasping for breath, is running across a field. About a dozen Roman soldiers come over the hill, hot on his trail. One of them stops, turns to camera and says 'If only we had used Benson's Nails!'.
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