Completely Jokes

Jill broke her finger today, but on the other hand she was completely fine
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
What did the pastry chef say when a banana cream pie he made completely satisfies a tyrannical ruler?
It hit despot.
Have you seen the picture of Mount Rushmore before it was carved
It’s completely unprecedented.
There was a Young Lady of Lucca,
Whose lovers completely forsook her;
She ran up a tree,
And said, 'Fiddle-de-dee!'
Which embarassed the people of Lucca.
I know when I store files, my computer gets hungry. It starts telling me about the bytes I use and how many are remaining for him to fill up completely.
I was holding a bottle of laundry detergent when all of a sudden it exploded, completely drenching my hands.
Oh well. I guess my hands are Tide.
The optimist sees the glass half full.
The pessimist sees the glass half empty.
The chemist see the glass completely full, half in the liquid state and half in the vapor state.
I'm feeling exceptionally alone in this cold weather. It's probably because I'm completely ice-olated.
Did you hear about the cows struck by lightning?
They were completely cattletonic!
“I feel very blessed to have two wonderful, healthy children who keep me completely grounded, sane, and throw up on my shoes just before I go to an awards show just so I know to keep it real.”

- Reese Witherspoon.
A wife send her husband an sms on a cold winter evening: "Windows frozen".
The husband send answer back: "Pour some warm water over them".
Some time later husband receives answer from his wife: "Nice going. The computer is completely screwed now."
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