Buying Jokes

My wife is furious at me for buying an expensive make-your-own-perfume kit.
But it just made scents to me.
I tried buying a car from a religious person and got a lemon!
I suppose you get what you prayed for..
How did the baker cut four loaves of bread at the same time? By buying a four-loaf-cleaver.
I had a few doubts about buying a big metal cabinet to store all my valuables.
Turns out... it was a safe purchase.
A husband reels off a list of presents he suggests buying his wife for her birthday.

She rejects them all.

“Well you tell me what you want then.”

“I want a divorce.” she replies.

“I wasn’t planning on spending that much.”
What veggie should you avoid buying if your fridge is tiny?
Fungi. They take up too mushroom.
A pig and a horse walk into a movie theater.
The horse didn't feel like buying popcorn so he brought some hay. A theater employee saw him and said. "Are you sneaking outside food into the theater?"

The horse said "nay."

The pig squealed.
I'm thinking about buying a weighted blanket.
This is a most heavy decision.
When buying crows for commercial use, always buy them in groups...
That way, you’re guaranteed to make a killing.
I got tricked into buying a cooling fan that didn't work...
It was an air con.
“Marrying a man is like buying something you’ve been admiring for a long time in a shop window. You may love it when you get it home, but it doesn’t always go with everything else in the house.” —Jean Kerr
After buying grocers, I sat on the San Francisco pier and pondered life. My laundry detergent tipped over...
Now I’m sittin on the dock of a bay, watching my Tide roll away.
Why are people buying so much toilet paper because of the corona virus?
Because when one person sneezes, 100 people shit themselves.
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