Actually Jokes

I actually prefer that life give me lemons so that I can make a pretty lady like you some lemonade on a hot Summer's day.
Did you ever notice that supermarket music is actually ideal for slow dancing with strangers?
"My favourite poem is the one that starts 'Thirty days hath September' because it actually tells you something."
Did you know Father Time is actually really good at boxing?
Yeah, he can clock you a good one.
People say Frankenstein’s monster had a temper…
But actually he was surprisingly level-headed.
I'm actually way hotter than poutin.
The Risks of Anal A woman went to her doctor for advice. She told him that her husband had developed a penchant for anal se*, and she was not sure that it was such a good idea  'Do you enjoy it?' The doctor asked.  'Actually, yes, I do.'  'Does it hurt you?' he asked.  'No. I rather like it.'  'Well, then,' the doctor continued, 'there's no reason that you shouldn't practice butt se*, if that's what you like, so long as you take care not to get pregnant.'  The woman was mystified. 'What? You can get pregnant from anal se*?'  'Of course,' the doctor replied. 'Where do you think politicians come from?"
"If you resolve to give up smoking, drinking and loving, you don't actually live longer; it just seems longer." - Clement Freud
Cherries are actually great at a lot of different sports. Their favorite one, in case you were wondering, is archerry.
Did you know, you can actually hide a gigantic elephant in a cherry tree? All you need to do is paint its toenails red. I bet you don’t believe me – but have you ever seen an elephant in a cherry tree? I rest my case.
On reflection, vampires aren't actually that scary.
Roses are red, I’m not wearing a suit,
Carrots are not vegetables, they are actually fruit.
“It’s a funny feeling to work with people who you consider your colleagues and to realize that they actually are young enough to be your children."
~ Alan Alda
“I’m totally ‘that dad’ who leaves a note in my son’s lunch box. One day I’ll actually start putting food in there also.”

- Steve Ryan.
"I complain that the years fly past, but then I look in a mirror and see that very few of them actually got past." - Robert Brault
“You spend 90 percent of your adult life hoping for a long rest and the last 10 percent trying to convince the Lord that you’re actually not that tired.” – Robert Brault
Want to start your day laughing? Register to our Daily Joke!
Did you mean:
Continue With: Facebook Google
By continuing, you agree to our T&C and Privacy Policy