Able Jokes

I just had to tell you. Your beauty made me truly appreciate being able to see.
"Getting older. I used to be able to run a 4-minute mile, bench press 380 pounds, and tell the truth." - Conan O’Brien
My wife claims that she can wax my chest hair without me feeling any pain at all.
I don’t think she’ll be able to pull it off.
Why wasn't King Kong able to climb to the top of the Empire State Building?
He couldn't quite fit in the elevator.
You might be able to use a smuggled cell phone in prison.
You just have to have cell coverage.
My buddies bet me that I wouldn't be able to start a conversation with the most beautiful girl on the river. Would you like to get a drink later with their money?
A Senior Customer A prostitute standing outside a motel in a small town saw a 70+ year old man walking past. She hasn't had a customer for a while so she whistles at him and says, "Hey, would you like to have some fun time with me?" The old man said, "But I won't be able to..." "C'mon man.... give it a try... " She says. Old man says okay. They go in. The moment they get to the bed, the old timer becomes a machine and makes passionate love to her an hour straight. When he's done, the prostitute catches her breath. Exhausted and tired she says, "But you said you won't be able to...." " you." completed the old man.
"Funny, I've met a lot of pin-up girls, but I've never been able to pin one down."
What do you call a magician nut?
“An individual who is able to turn into a nut.”
Canary-birds feed on sugar and seed,
Parrots have crackers to crunch;
And, as for the poodles, they tell me the noodles
Have chickens and cream for their lunch.
But there’s never a question
About MY digestion—
Anything does for me!

Cats, you’re aware, can repose in a chair,
Chickens can roost upon rails;
Puppies are able to sleep in a stable,
And oysters can slumber in pails.
But no one supposes
A poor Camel dozes—
Any place does for me!


People would laugh if you rode a giraffe,
Or mounted the back of an ox;
It’s nobody’s habit to ride on a rabbit,
Or try to bestraddle a fox.
But as for a Camel, he’s
Ridden by families—
Any load does for me!

(Charles E. Carryl)
If I had a dollar for every time I was planning to go on a diet, I’d be able to buy a treadmill I’d never use.
If I had a nickel for every time someone tried to get me to buy something, I'd be able to afford whatever they're selling.
Used to never be able to use the WiFi at my farm until I moved my router to the barn.
Now I have a stable connection.
What do you name a knight who has been able to persevere through all the barriers in his way? A Sir Vivor!
Girl, I'm like a thunderstorm: 10-12 inches and you won't be able to leave the house for 2 to 3 days!
I’ve decided to name my son Mark.
That way, when I die, I’ll be able to say I left a mark on this world.
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