My neighbors are listening to great music. Whether they like it or not!
Steal a man's wallet and he'll be poor for a day.
But teach him to play an instrument and he'll be poor for the rest of his life.
I wrote a song about a tortilla chip.
Actually, it's more like a wrap.
What did they say about the tone-deaf boy?
He has Van Gogh's ear for music.
What song do vampires hate?
“You Are My Sunshine.”
What do you get when you put a radio in the fridge?
Cool music.
How does the sun listen to music?
On its ray-dio!
Who’s there?
Little old lady.
Little old lady who?
Wow! I didn’t know you could yodel!
What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat minor.
What do you get when you squish an army?
A flat major.
How do you get a trombonist off your doorstep?
Pay them for the pizza.
Why didn’t the bouncer let the quavers into the bar?
Because they were slurring.
What do you call a set of musical dentures?
Falsetto teeth.
What do you say when a kazoo player sneezes?
Kazoontite.
Why shouldn’t you let kids watch band performances on TV?
Too much sax and violins.
I have a musician friend who is always upbeat. When she developed ringing in one ear, I asked whether her condition was especially annoying to a musician. She shook her head. “Not really,” she replied cheerfully. “The ringing sound is in the key of B flat, so I use it to tune my cello half a tone lower.”
A while ago, my friend told me not to listen to loud music.
I haven’t heard from that guy since.
Accordion to one study, people don’t notice when you replace any given word with the name of a musical instrument, but I don’t believe that tuba true.
Someone keyed the music teacher’s car.
Fortunately, the damage seems to B minor.
My dad always told me I should sing tenor twelve miles away.
Why was music coming from the printer?
The paper was jamming.
Want to hear the joke about a staccato?
Never mind — it’s too short.
How do you fix a broken brass instrument?
With a tuba glue.
What is Beethoven’s favorite fruit?
Ba-na-na-naaaaa.
What do you get if you cross a sweet potato and a jazz musician?
A yam session.
What is a cat’s favorite song?
“Three Blind Mice.”
Why do fluorescent lights hum?
Because they forgot the words.
What song do tornados like?
“The Twist.”
What makes pirates such good singers?
They can hit the high Cs.
What did the robbers take from the music store?
The lute.
Why was the musician arrested?
She got in treble.
What do you call a cow that can play a musical instrument?
A moo-sician.
What has forty feet and sings?
The school choir.
What makes music on your head?
A headband.
Why couldn’t the athlete listen to her music?
She broke the record.
Why did the chicken join the band?
Because he had the drumsticks.
What is the most musical part of your body?
Your nose because you can blow and pick it.
Why did the fish make such a good musician?
He knew his scales.
What do you call a musical insect?
A humbug.
Why did the tortilla chip start dancing?
Because they put on the salsa.
Why did the music teacher go up the ladder during music class?
To reach the high notes.
What is a mummy’s favorite kind of music?
Rap.
What type of music are balloons afraid of?
Pop music.
Me and my friends are in a band called “Duvet”. We’re a cover band.
How do you make a bandstand?
Take away their chairs.
What rock band has four guys that don’t sing?
Mount Rushmore.
How do you know when a drummer is at your door?
He speeds up when he’s knocking.
What do you call a guitar player that only knows two chords?
A music critic.
What’s a pirate’s favorite instrument?
The guit-arrr!
A musician told me he was going to hit me with the neck of his guitar.
I replied, “Is that a fret?”