What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.