What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.