What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.