When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.