Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."