What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.