Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!