What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.