What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.