If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.