When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!