What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson