Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!