What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.