What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
“The turkey is dilated to 3.5 inches, stuffing is crowning, time to eat everybody!”
That’s what happens at Thanksgiving when your mom is an obstetrician.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.