What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.