Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
“Thanksgiving is a magical time of year when families across the country join together to raise America’s obesity statistics.”
Stephen Colbert
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Knock knock!
Who’s there?
Tamara.
Tamara who?
Tamara the feeding frenzy starts all over again, yay!
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.