If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
The native Indians were laughing at the Pilgrims for being so pale and never getting a proper tan.
But they did get a tan. A puritan.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
What’s the link between turkeys and teddies?
Stuffing. Lots of stuffing.
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
What did the turkey say before he was roasted?
“OK, spare me no insults!"
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What happened the first time one of the settlers tried to write favor instead of favour?
He was attacked by a Pil-grammar nazi.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
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What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What would mothers most like to make on Thanksgiving dinner?
Good restaurant reservations.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.