What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
If the Pilgrims were alive today, what would they be most famous for? Their AGE!
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
What do jazzy people put on their potatoes at Thanksgiving?
Groovy.
What happens when you’re too harsh on the cranberries and make them sad?
They turn into blueberries.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What’s the easiest way to catch a turkey?
Ask a friend to toss one at you.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
What two animals get stuffed on Thanksgiving? Turkeys and people after Thanksgiving dinner.
“Last Thanksgiving I shot my own turkey. It was fun. That shot gun going, "Blam! Blam!"
Everybody at the supermarket just staring. Why track them when I know where they are?”
Kenny Rogerson
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Who doesn't eat on Thanksgiving? A turkey - because it is always stuffed!
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What sound does a space turkey make? "Hubble, Hubble, Hubble!"
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
What smells the best at dinner on Thanksgiving?
The family dog’s nose.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
What can never ever be eaten for Thanksgiving dinner?
Thanksgiving breakfast.
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
What did baby corn say to mama corn?
"Where's popcorn?"
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!