What key can’t open doors no matter how hard you try?
Turkey.
What did the turkey say before it was roasted? "Boy, I'm stuffed!"
What do you call the day in November when your son and all his cousins get rowdy? Spanksgiving.
Why did the police arrest the turkey? They suspected it of fowl play.
What kind of tan did pilgrims get at the beach? Puritan.
How did the Pilgrims die?
It was the Pil-grim Reaper.
Question: Why did the cranberries turn red?
Answer: Because they saw the turkey dressing!
What do you call a pilgrims vocabulary? Pilgrammar.
Why did the Pilgrims want to sail to America in the spring?
Because April showers bring Mayflowers!
How many chefs does it take to stuff a Thanksgiving turkey?
Only one and even then it’s a pretty tight squeeze!
Why do turkeys always go, "gobble, gobble"? Because they never learned good table manners.
What happens when you seriously overstuff yourself with turkey at Thanksgiving?
You have a few slices of pumpkin pie.
What did the turkey say to the computer? "Google, google, google!"
Over the long journey and having overcome many hardships together, the Pilgrims’ bonds strengthened and they all became pretty good Palgrims.
(we'll show ourselves out)
What does a English turkey say to another English turkey on Thanksgiving morning?
"To be roasted or not to be roasted, that is the question."
Why did the policeman stop you on your way home last Thanksgiving?
Because you far exceeded your feed limit.
.
When do you serve vegan vitarian matcha-tea-flavored turkey-shaped tofu-loaf?
At Pranksgiving.
What did the turkey say to the man who tried to shoot it? Liberty, Equality and Bad aim for all!
What usually comes at the end of Thanksgiving?
Traditionally, the letter G.
Should you have that annoying distant auntie for Thanksgiving dinner?
It’s really not worth it. Just have the turkey.
What do you call a turkey whizzing through the air past your head because the oven exploded?
Fast food.
Why do the pants of pilgrims keep falling down? Because their belt buckles are on their hats!
Which side of the turkey has the most feathers? The outside.
What is the best Thanksgiving cookie?
One baked with May-flour.
What does Dracula call Thanksgiving? Fangs-giving.
What kind of face does a pilgrim make when he's in pain? Pil-grimace.
What's the key to a great Thanksgiving dinner? The turKEY.
Why did the turkey cross the road before Thanksgiving?
He was trying to give people the impression that he was a chicken.
What does a disappointed mama turkey tell her kids?
If your father were to see you now, he would be turning over in his gravy!
What do you get when you crossbreed a turkey with a harp?
A bird who can pluck itself.
On Thanksgiving dinner, most of us turn into hipsters.
We all go out of our way to eat the turkey before it is cool.
In what country is Thanksgiving, ironically, not celebrated? Turkey.
If you call a large turkey a gobbler what do you call a small one? Goblet.
Question: What is a turkey’s favorite dessert?
Answer: Peach gobbler!
What did the turkeys sing on Thanksgiving Day? God save the kin.
What do you call an evil turkey? Poultry-Geist.
If the pilgrims came on the Mayflower than what does the teacher come on? The scholar ships.
What happened when the turkey got into a fight?
He got the stuffing knocked out of him!
Why couldn’t the Thanksgiving entertainment band perform?
Somebody had eaten the drumsticks.
When do you serve tofu turkey? Pranksgiving
What’s the best way to deal with a turkey?
Have it killed and then cran-bury it.
What is a good name for post-Thanksgiving constipation?
Turkey in suspense.
Which cat discovered America? Christofurry Columbus.
I had to do something about my addiction to Thanksgiving leftovers.
Cold turkey was the only way to do it.
What’s black, white and red?
A Pilgrim blushing because he’d seen the turkey dressing.
What happened to the Pilgrim who was shot at by an Indian? He had an arrow escape.
What's the best dance to do on Thanksgiving? The turkey trot.
What do turkeys and women have in common?
A lot of guys are only interested in their breasts.
What do you get when you cross an octopus with a turkey?
Finally enough drumsticks for everybody at Thanksgiving. Provided you can catch the darned critter.
Why didn’t the turkey bake properly on Thanksgiving?
I’ve no idea but I suspect some fowl play.
What do you call the age of a pilgrim? Pilgrimage.