Went to a game with my dad today and as we were standing up to sing, the veteran in him kicked in and he began tearing up. I said to him, "You know, technically, national anthems are just…
…country music."
How are a volleyball coach and a dentist similar? They both use drills.
Which local sportswriters are most effusive? Those who work in the praise
box!
What swims in the sea, carries a machine gun, and makes you an offer you can't refuse? The Codfather
When the defender was put in the box for spearing Jaromir Jagr, he
complained "but it was only a poke-Czech!"
We had an argument on our way back from the tournament. Our position is that their goal was stopping ours.
Why did the kid pursue scuba diving?
Because all his grades are below C-level.
How did the swim team manage to pay for new pool renovations?
They pool-ed their resources!
Is there a bathroom in this tennis club? Because I’m about to drop a deuce.
Why do you need six players to carry the volleyball to the game? No one can carry the volleyball and a whole team.
What does a basketball player say when he misses?
Shoot!
What happened when an icicle landed on the skier's head?
It knocked him out cold!
If fish lived on land, in which country would they live? Finland.
Which HOF defenceman was nicknamed The Gravedigger? Denis Plotvin.
Why did the volleyball player cross the street? There was a team member bar tending who could serve spiked drinks.
I’m a baseliner and I don’t know how to volley: my game would disappear if I went to no-man’s land.
Why was the wheelchair basketball team banned from the Paralympics?
They all tested positive for WD-40.
What's the difference between a sorority girl and a bowling ball?
You can only fit 3 fingers in a bowling ball.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
The calm before the score
Too bad my serve hit the tape. Well, at least they’ll LET me hit it again.
Do you always play this badly at the net? Because I don’t like your approach.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
A guy walks into the bar.
It's hardly surprising he didn't make the steeplechase team, on reflection.
Why can't you tell a joke while ice fishing? Because it'll crack you up!.
What do frogs do when they ski?
They rip it.
What do police officers do when they are on the volleyball court? They serve and protect.
Why did the ski instructor ask for a divorce?
He found out his wife is a real flake.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
What did the bad soccer announcer get for Christmas?
COOOOOOOOOOAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Is your nickname cream cheese? Because you’re about to get bageled.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Why should you not play volleyball in court? Because you could get arrested.
Where do fish sleep? In a river bed
I quit my job as a scuba diving instructor after my first day at work.
Deep down I realized it wasn’t for me.
I want to play my match outdoors so I can hit the ball higher in the air. I’m not good at persuading people, so I’m going to hire a lob-byist.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
What is a defensive football players favorite dessert?
Apple Turnover.
If there's a Tim Horton's chain, should there be a Lanny McDonald's? Or Doug
Harvey's? And what about Ron's Francise?
How do volleyball players deliver their messages? Through Air Mail.
Having a ball
Many basketball players fail their tests in school because they do not want to pass.
What do volleyball players like in bed? Kinky sets.
How can you tell when a coach doesn’t know what they are doing? When the real coach is yelling from in the stands.
Tennis is a lot like waiting tables. The most important thing to get right is the first serve.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship.
Can linesmen enter the Hall of Fame? Yes, because they decide who's HOFside.
If you golf on election day…
Be sure to cast an absent-tee ballot.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!