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hilarious video Jokes

hilarious video Jokes and more.
The Lost Thesaurus
A man loses his thesaurus, which he uses all the time. He searches all over his house for it. He’s double-checked everywhere, but he just can’t find it. Fed up with searching, he decides to ask his family members. His daughter loves reading books, so he decided to ask her first. Man: "Did you take my thesaurus?" Daughter: "I didn’t take your thesaurus, I was just reading my favorite book. Maybe ask my brother? He always tries to reach into high cabinets, so he might have taken it to stand on." So the man goes off and to look for his son. He finds his son sitting on the couch, playing video games. Man: "Did you take my thesaurus?" Son: "Of course not, I hate reading. Ask mom, she might have it." So the man looks for his wife, but she isn’t home. He starts getting really frustrated. He goes to the stables to search for her. He goes in but there's just their horse standing there.The man, frustrated, decides to amuse himself. "I don't suppose YOU know where my thesaurus is, right?" Horse: "Nope. Oops, I mean Neighhhh!"
Tiger Puns
Q: How does a tiger stop a video?
A: By pressing paws.
Beaver Puns
The baby beaver sang a song about the river in a video for his friends. He had a good flow.
Geology Puns
Mountains aren't funny....? They're hilarious.
Rock Puns
Why are mountains not just funny? Because they are hilarious.
Viking Puns
There's this video game about an FBI psychologist hunting a Viking Angel of Death....
I believe it's named Valkyrie's Profile.
Funny Family Poems
"Joker Grandpa"

Always finds a way, to make fun of my folks,
He is hilarious, with plenty of jokes.
A true expert, on many pranks,
For making us laugh; a little thanks.

At the dinner table, he’s rarely serious,
His tricks are cool and quite mysterious.
I’m not saying that he knows magic,
Some of his stunts are lame and tragic.

Grandpa knows how to pull your strings,
A cheerful guy, that constantly sings.
Never know, what he’ll come up with next,
Our joker grandpa, fun and perplex.
"Fun Grandpa"

My grandpa knows, the art of the laugh,
So many jokes, but reveals only half.
We’ll enjoy, those fun random talks,
He makes fun of things, during our walks.

Hilarious moments, he will readily find,
Walk into a wall, and pretend to be blind.
Whenever I see him, he’s sporting a smile,
Mr. Bean had a much better style.

A serious illness, for jokes he will fake,
Moments later, random faces he’ll make.
Seems like grandpa just wants to have fun,
At church, he tried, to pick up a nun.
Peach Puns
Q: What video games do fruits play?
A: Peach ball.
If you are wondering about a peach's favorite video game, well it's definitely 'Super Princess Peach'.
The Hilarious Lines of Tommy Cooper
When I was a kid, I went to a psychiatrist for one of those aptitude tests. On the desk, he put a pitchfork, a wrench, and a hammer and he said to the nurse: ‘If he grabs the pitchfork, he’ll become a farmer. If he grabs the wrench, he’ll be a mechanic, and if he takes the hammer, he’ll be a carpenter.’ I grabbed the nurse... The town was so dull, one day the tide went out and it never came back. Every day she takes the car out, she comes back with the same question: ‘Guess who I ran into.’ A piano-tuner was called to a nightclub to tune the piano. He was at it for five hours, but the bill only came to £3. The manager said: ‘Is that all? How come you worked for five hours to tune the piano and you only charge £3?’ He said: ‘What?’ A dog bit a chunk out of my leg the other day. A friend of mine said: ‘Did you put anything on it?’ I said: ‘No, he liked it as it was.’ My wife is really into Do-It-Yourself. Every time I ask her to fix something, she says: ‘Oh, do it yourself!’ My wife does her own decorating, but she overdoes it. The other day I opened the fridge and there was a lampshade on the lightbulb. I swam the English Channel once. ‘But a lot of people have swum the Channel.’ Lengthwise? She’s always smiling. She’s the only girl I know whose teeth are sunburnt. A leopard went to see a psychiatrist. He said: ‘Every time I look at my wife, I see spots before my eyes.’ The psychiatrist said: ‘That’s only natural.’ The leopard said: ‘But, doctor, she’s a zebra.’ A drunk was brought into a police station. He pounded his fist on the counter and said: ‘I want to know why I’ve been arrested.’ The sergeant said: ‘You have been brought in for drinking.’ He said: ‘Oh, that’s all right, then. Let’s get started!’ I always sit in the back of a plane. It’s much safer. You never hear of a plane backing into a mountain!
Anti Jokes
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
A Telling Conversation...
Marriage is an exciting part of our life. The vows we made on our wedding day really did mean the world to us, and we thought the blessed joy of matrimony would never die. However, once we are married, that thrill does dip - let's be honest about it! The hilarious joke below makes this truth perfectly clear - read it top to bottom. When you're finished - read it bottom to top! Husband: At last! I can hardly wait! Wife: Do you want me to leave? Husband: No! Don't even think that. Wife: Do you love me? Husband: Of course! Always have and always will! Wife: Have you ever cheated on me? Husband: No! Why are you even asking? Wife: Will you kiss me? Husband: Every chance I get! Wife: Will you hit me? Husband: Hell no! Are you crazy?! Wife: Can I trust you? Husband: Yes. Wife: Oh my Darling! This was BEFORE the wedding. To see what happens AFTER the wedding, read from end (bottom) to start (top) ...
These Headlines Are Real and Totally Hilarious
~ Red Tape Holds Up New Bridges. ~ Nicaragua Sets Goal to Wipe out Literacy. ~ Filming in cemetery angers residents ~ Federal Agents raid gun shop, find weapons ~ Crash courses for private pilots ~ Chef Throws His Heart Into Helping Feed The Needy ~ Bodies Needed To Look After Graveyard ~ Bodies in garden are a plant says wife ~ 30 Year Friendship Ends At Alter ~ Stolen Prosthetic Arm Discovered in a Secondhand Shop ~ Blind Woman Gets New Kidney From Dad She Hasn't Seen In Years ~ Miners Refuse To Work After Death
Troll Puns
What's the difference between an internet troll and a video game character?
Video game characters have lives.
12 Celebrity Quotes So Dumb They're Hilarious!
1. Arnold Schwarzenegger: "I think gay marriage is something that should be between a man and a woman." 2. Mariah Carey: "Whenever I watch TV and see those poor starving kids all over the world, I can't help but cry. I mean I'd love to be skinny like that, but not with all those flies and death and stuff." 3. Brooke Shields: "Smoking kills. If you're killed, you've lost a very important part of your life." 4. Paris Hilton: "What's Walmart, do they sell, like, wall stuff?" 5. Jessica Simpson: "Is this chicken what I have, or is this fish? I know it's tuna but it says Chicken by the Sea." 6. Britney Spears: "I get to go overseas places, like Canada." 7. Britney Spears again: "I've never really wanted to go to Japan. Simply because I don't like eating fish. And I know that's very popular out there in Africa." 8. George W. Bush: "Rarely is the question asked, is our children learning?" 9. Alicia Silverstone: "I think that the film Clueless was very deep. I think it was deep in the way that it was very light. I think lightness has to come from a very deep place if it's true lightness." 10. Victoria Beckham: "I don't know much about football. I know what a goal is, which is surely the main thing about football." 11. David Beckham: "I definitely want Brooklyn to be christened, but I don't know into what religion yet." 12. Axl Rose: "It's really hard to maintain a one-on-one relationship if the other person is not going to allow me to be with other people."
Heart Puns
Bonnie Tyler has released a video all about cardiology.
It’s totally clips of the heart.
Turtle Puns
These puns are turtle-y hilarious.
Fire Puns
I'll open fire on anyone who says video games make children violent!
Computer Jokes
What's Hitler's favorite video game?
Mein Kraft.
I'm working on a Yosemite Sam video game.
But it has a lot of Bugs.
I asked a French man if he played video games
He said, "Wii."
Video games never made me angry or want to hurt people.
Working in customer service already did that.
I'm planning on making an application that randomly closes the video game you are playing and opens a different one.
It's going to be a game changer.
10 Hilarious Murphy's Laws
1. Law of Mechanical Repair - After your hands become coated with grease, your nose will begin to itch and you'll have to go to the restroom. 2. Law of Gravity - Any tool, when dropped, will roll to the least accessible corner. 3. Law of Probability - The probability of being watched is directly proportional to the stupidity of your act. 4. Law of Random Numbers - If you dial a wrong number, you never get a busy signal and someone always answers. 5. Law of the Alibi - If you tell the boss you were late for work because you had a flat tyre, the very next morning you will have a flat tyre. 6. Guy's Variation Rider - If you change queues or traffic lanes, the one you were in will always move faster than the one you are in now. This also works in supermarkets and shops. 7. Law of the Bath - When the body is fully immersed in water, the telephone rings. 8. Decree of Close Encounters - The probability of meeting someone you know increases dramatically when you are with someone you don't want to be seen with. This is also the case if you are female and you have gone out with no makeup and wearing your worst clothes and with greasy hair. 9. Murphy's Office Law - When you try to prove to someone that a machine won't work, it will. This will also happen when you show someone that something on the computer is easy and it doesn't work. 10. Law of Biomechanics - The severity of the itch is inversely proportional to the reach.
10 More Hilarious Murphy's Laws
Law of the Theatre - At any event, the people whose seats are furthest from the aisle arrive last. The Starbucks Edict - As soon as you sit down to a cup of hot coffee, your boss will ask you to do something which will last until the coffee is cold. Murphy's Law of Lockers - If there are only two people in a locker room, they will have adjacent lockers. Law of Physical Surfaces - The chances of an open-faced marmalade sandwich landing face down on a floor covering are directly correlated to the newness and cost of the carpet. The Conundrum of Logical Argument - Anything is possible if you don't know what you are talking about. Brown's Law of Physical Appearance - If the shoe fits, it's ugly. Oliver's Rule of Public Speaking - A closed mouth gathers no feet. Will's favourite! Wilson's Law of Commercial Marketing Strategy - As soon as you find a product that you really like, they will stop making it. Doctors' Law - If you don't feel well, make an appointment to go to the doctor, by the time you get there you'll feel better. Don't make an appointment and you'll stay sick. Will and Guy's Law - If you don't save things on your computer you will, sooner rather than later, delete them.
Water Puns
Why couldn’t the fish watch YouTube?
He couldn’t stream the video.
Space Puns
I dare you to lie that you didn’t find all these space puns hilarious. Th
Tea Puns
Have you seen that awesome video of a Koala drinking tea high up in the trees?
It’s super high Koala-tea
Colonoscopy Short Jokes
I have inner beauty.
And I have the video from my colonoscopy to prove it.
Basketball Puns
What are the favorite video games for basketball players? Shooting stars.
Funny Birthday Poems
It’s your birthday, there is no cure,
Cakes and candles, you must endure,
Quick and painless, let me assure,
A tiny chance, you will be mature,
With this crowd, usually secure,
Random fun, with results obscure,
Liquids we drink, definitely pure,
Goofy friends, minds we tour,
Hilarious birthday, that’s for sure.

(Martin Dejnicki)
The Smartphone Poem
My new phone is "smart." I guess that I'm not. Amazing what all this here smart phone has got. TV and Weather and Internet, too. There's just no limits to what it can do. Check my blood pressure and my temperature Without even probing all my apertures. I now know the time in Paris or Greece. I can track the migration of thousands of geese Or find Chinese food; it's here on this map. Oops, my finger just slipped, now where was that at? A camera...a CAMERA! Now I can take shots Of everyone I know (who'd rather I not). Push this here button and take me a "selfie." (If it had a nose would this thing take a "smellfie"?) Email to pester with, video to shoot, Maps to drive 'round with, wow that's a hoot! A compass to guide me home if I'm lost. Thank God work paid for this thing (what it COSTS!). The things that it does would amaze Mr. Bell. What he would have thought of it, no one can tell, But one question's still stuck in my middle-aged craw. Despite all the gizmos that strike me with awe, They're fun and they're useful and "techy" and all ...But how do I just simply make a phone call?
Werewolf Puns
How do werewolves stop a video?
They press the paws button.
Jokes For Women
I told my boyfriend we could watch a dirty movie for his birthday and do what we saw in the video.
He was super excited... until I screwed the pizza guy.
The Hilarious Idiosyncrasies of English
English is a funny language, wouldn't you say? 1. Don't sweat the petty things and don't pet the sweaty things. 2. One tequila, two tequila, three tequila, floor. 3. Why is it called tourist season if we can't shoot at them? 4. Why is there an expiration date on sour cream? 5. The main reason that Santa is so jolly is because he knows where all the bad girls live. 6. I went to a bookstore and asked the saleswoman, "where's the self- help section?". She said if she told me, it would defeat the purpose. 7. What if there were no hypothetical questions? 8. If a deaf child signs swear words, does his mother wash his hands with soap? 9. If someone with multiple personalities threatens to kill himself, is it considered a hostage situation? 10. Is there another word for synonym? 11. Where do forest rangers go to "get away from it all?" 12. What do you do when you see an endangered animal eating an endangered plant? 13. If a parsley farmer is sued, can they garnish his wages? 14. Would a fly without wings be called a walk? 15. Why do they lock gas station bathrooms? Are they afraid someone will clean them? 16. If a turtle doesn't have a shell, is he homeless or naked? 17. Can vegans eat animal crackers? 18. If the police arrest a mime, do they tell him he has the right to remain silent? 19. Why do they put braille on the drive-through bank machines? 20. How do they get deer to cross the road only at those road signs? 21. What was the best thing before sliced bread? 22. One nice thing about egotists: they don't talk about other people. 23. Does the little mermaid wear an algebra? 24. Do infants enjoy infancy as much as adults enjoy adultery? 25. How is it possible to have a civil war? 26. If one synchronized swimmer drowns, do the rest drown too? 27. If you ate both pasta and antipasto, would you still be hungry? 28. If you try to fail, and succeed, which have you done? 29. Whose cruel idea was it for the word 'lisp' to have 's' in it? 30. Why are hemorrhoids called "hemorrhoids" instead of "assteroids"?
The Crucifying Commercial
Benson runs a nail factory and decides his business needs a bit of advertising. He has a chat with a friend who works in marketing and he offers to make a TV ad for Benson's Nails. "Give me a week," says the friend, "and I'll be back with an ad." A week goes by and the marketing executive comes to see Benson. He opens his laptop and presses play. A Roman soldier is busy nailing Jesus to the cross. He turns to face the camera and says with a grin "Use Benson's Nails, they'll hold anything." Benson goes mad shouting: "What is the matter with you? They'll never show that on TV. Give it another try, but no more Romans crucifying Jesus!" Another week goes by and the marketing man comes back to see Benson with another ad. He turns his laptop around and hits play. This time the camera pans out from a Roman standing with his arms folded to show Jesus on the cross. The Roman looks up at him and says 'Benson's Nails, they'll hold anything'. Benson is beside himself. "You don't understand: I don't want anything with Jesus on the cross! Now listen, I'll give you one last chance. Come back in a week with an advertisement that I can broadcast." A week passes and Benson waits impatiently. The marketing executive arrives and puts on the new video. A naked man with long hair, gasping for breath, is running across a field. About a dozen Roman soldiers come over the hill, hot on his trail. One of them stops, turns to camera and says 'If only we had used Benson's Nails!'.