What do you call a man who’s lost 95 percent of his intelligence?
Divorced.
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
Me: Would you like to be the sun in my life?
Him: Awww, of course!
Me: Good then stay 92.96 million miles away from me.
What kind of man can you actually change?
The ones still in diapers.
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
How many "friendzoned" guys does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. They just compliment it and get mad when it won't screw.
My wife is so negative. I remembered the car seat, the stroller, AND the diaper bag. Yet all she can talk about is how I forgot the baby.
When would you want a man's company? When he owns it.
Don't break a man's heart; they only have one. Break their bones. They have over 200 of them.
How do you get a man to have the best orgasm possible?
Who cares?
Why do men name their penises? Because they don't like the idea of having a stranger make 90 percent of their decisions.
Wives want to videotape the birth of their child, while husbands want to videotape the conception.
Why are all dumb blonde jokes one liners? So men can understand them. Why did God create man before woman? Because you're always supposed to have a rough draft before creating your masterpiece.
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.