Why does a penis have a hole in the end? So men can be open minded.
What do men and pantyhose have in common? They either cling, run, or don't fit right in the crotch!
What do you call a man who never farts in public? A private tutor.
What do men and mascara have in common? They both run at the first sign of emotion.
Why do men whistle when they're sitting on the toilet? Because it helps them remember which end they need to wipe.
What do you call a man who cries while he masturbates? A tearjerker.
What do you do with a bachelor who thinks he's God's gift to women? Exchange him.
What is the difference between a man and a tree? One is illegal to hit with an ax.
What do you call a man who expects to have se* on the second date? Patient!
What does a man consider a seven-course meal? A pizza and a six pack.
What do you call a group of men waiting for a haircut? A barbercue
Why do men prefer blondes? Because they like intellectual companionship.
How do you stop a man from raping you? Throw him the remote control.
How do you scare a man? Sneak up behind him and start throwing rice! How is a man like a used car? Both are easy to get, cheap, and unreliable!
What's the difference between men and government bonds? Bonds mature.
How is Colonel Sanders like the typical male? All he's concerned with is legs, breasts and thighs.
What did God say after creating man? I can do so much better.
Why is it difficult to find men who are sensitive, caring and good looking? They all already have boyfriends.
Why did god invent men? Because vibrators can't mow the lawn
Why do men have 2 heads and women 4 lips? Cause men do all the thinking and women do all the talking.
How does a man show he's planning for the future? He buys two cases of beer instead of one.
What do bulletproof vests, fire escapes, windshield wipers, and laser printers all have in common? All invented by women.
How do you keep your husband from reading your e-mail? Rename the mail folder "Instruction Manuals."
What do you call 2 guys fighting over a slut? Tug-of-whore.
What is all the fuss about when it comes to men and big boobs? They take alot of lip and they dont talk back.
What are a married man's two greatest assets? A closed mouth and an open wallet.
How do males exercise on the beach? By sucking in their stomachs every time they see a bikini.
What do you call a Roman soldier with a smile on his face and a piece of hair between his two front teeth? A GLAD-HE-ATE-HER
How do men define a "50/50" relationship? We cook-they eat; we clean-they dirty; we iron-they wrinkle.
What did the elephant say to the naked man? "It's cute but can you pick up peanuts with it?"
What does it mean when a man is in your bed gasping for breath and calling your name? You didn't hold the pillow down long enough.
How many men does it take to open a beer? none. the lady should already have it open on the table!
How does the man help clean the house? Raising the feet, for the woman to pass the vacuum cleaner on the carpet.
What do you call a man with a car on his head? Jack
What do you call a handcuffed man? Trustworthy.
What's the difference between a G-Spot and a golf ball? A guy will actually SEARCH for a golf ball.
Why can't men get mad cow disease? Because they are pigs.
Why did the man keep going in circles? He didn't get the point.
What is the difference between a glass of wine and a man? A glass of wine hits the spot everytime.
How many men does it take to tile a bathroom? Two - if you slice them very thinly.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? Three. One to screw in the bulb and two to listen to him brag about the screwing part.
How many men does it take to screw in a light bulb? One. He just holds it up there and waits for the world to revolve around him.
Why are men like cars? Because they always pull out before they check to see if anyone else is cumming.
Why are Men like parking spaces? The good ones are already taken!
Why don't some men have a mid-life crisis? They're stuck in adolescence.
What do you call a married man vacuuming? Doing what he's told...
Did you hear about the new "morning after" pill for men? A. It changes their DNA.
Why doesn't matter how often a married man changes his job? He still ends up with the same boss.
Why are men se*ier than women? You can't spell se*y without xy. Why are men like lawn mowers? They are difficult to get started, emit foul smells and don't work half the time!
How do you find a blind man in a nudist colony? It's not hard.
How do you get a man to stop biting his nails? Make him wear shoes.