It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot the birds are using oven mitts to pull worms out of the ground.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.