It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.