It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.