It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot that the oven got jealous.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot you discover that it only takes 2 fingers to drive your car.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It's so hot that you can fry an egg on the sidewalk!
It's so hot I saw an Amish guy buy an air conditioner.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.