It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It’s so hot that I renamed my pig “Bacon.”
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It’s so hot my thermometer goes up to “Are you kidding me?”
It’s so hot they installed a fan in the debt ceiling.
It’s so hot the frozen pizza I bought at the grocery store was ready to eat by the time I got home.
It was so hot that I poured boiling water on myself to cool down.
It’s so hot you realize asphalt has a liquid state.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot everyone is wearing sweat pants.
It's so hot that all the water buffalo at the zoo evaporated.
It’s so hot, when the temperature drops below 95 I start to feel chilly.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot polar bears are wearing sunscreen.
It’s so hot ice pops are melting in the freezer.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot that my kite crashed and burned.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot fire ants are really on fire.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It's so hot out that I cleaned my fridge just so I could hang out in my fridge for a while.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It’s so hot I set the house on fire just to cool off.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It's so hot outside the ice cream man just change the sign on the side of his truck to "cream."
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot that corn on the stalks starts popping.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot firecrackers light themselves.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It’s so hot I saw two hydrants fight over a dog.