It’s so hot the best parking place is determined by the shade instead of the distance.
It’s so hot that my chocolate milk is now hot cocoa.
It’s so hot I’m sweating like a politician on election day.
It’s so hot outside I just saw two hobbits throw a ring off my roof.
It was so hot that the soles of my shoes melted.
It’s so hot that farmers are feeding ice to the chickens so they won’t lay boiled eggs.
It’s so hot even the artificial flowers are dying.
It’s so hot even my wife’s heart is melting.
It’s so hot your clothes iron themselves.
It’s so hot Adam and Eve traded their fig leaves for ice cubes.
It’s so hot I saw a heatwave and I waved back.
It’s so hot the trees are whistling for the dogs.
It’s so hot I saw a squirrel picking up nuts with potholders.
It’s so hot that you can poach eggs in a pool.
It’s so hot I saw a chicken lay an omelet.
It’s so hot that my sprinkler released steam.
It’s so hot that hot water now comes out of both taps.
It’s so hot granny broke wind just to have a little breeze.
It’s so hot you can wash and dry your clothes at the same time.
It’s so hot I almost called my ex so I could be around something shady.
It’s so hot that I have taken to leaving the toilet seat up just to get those chilling, icy stares from my wife.
It’s so hot that you can’t make a chili dog.
It’s so hot my dream house is an igloo.
It’s so hot the catfish are already fried when you catch them.
It’s so hot that the clams were already steamed when I dug them up.
It’s so hot McDonald’s is frying burgers on parked cars.
It's so hot out that my sweat is sweating.
It’s so hot the Statue of Liberty was asked to lower her arm.
It’s so hot I discovered my seat belt makes a pretty good branding iron.
It’s so hot I got condensation on my backside from the water in the toilet bowl.
It’s so hot I started putting ice cubes in my waterbed.
It’s so hot the cows are producing evaporated milk.
It’s so hot all the sand on the beach is now glass.
It’s so hot I wish had got the cloth seats instead of the leather ones.
It’s so hot my campfire lit itself.
It’s so hot I saw a cop chasing a thief and they were both walking.
It’s so hot all chocolate is hot chocolate.
It’s so hot that the only waves at the beach were heatwaves.
It’s so hot you can pull a leaf off a tree and iron with it.
It’s so hot that Tabasco sauce tastes mild.
It was so hot that my gold jewelry melted.
It's so hot that I went to hell just to cool off.
It’s so hot chickens are laying hard-boiled eggs.
It’s so hot you need a spatula to remove your clothing.
It’s so hot I bought a loaf of bread and by the time I got home, it was toast.
It’s so hot that I’m using Celsius instead of Fahrenheit just to have a lower number.
It’s so hot Optimus Prime transformed into an air conditioner.
It’s so hot I saw the Devil in Wal-Mart buying an air conditioner.
It’s so hot Jehovah’s Witnesses started telemarketing.
It's so hot, I saw a guy with a sign that said, "Will work for shade."