It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.