It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.