It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold I actually enjoyed someone spilling hot coffee in my lap.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It was so cold that we pulled everything out of the freezer and huddled inside to keep warm.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.