It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.