It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It's so cold that lawyers have their hands in their own pockets.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold the police told a robber to freeze, and he really did.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold we had to punch a hole in the air just to get outside.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!