It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold that even the snowmen are wearing sweaters!
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.