It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It's so cold that Starbucks started serving coffee on a stick.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold teenagers began to worry about getting goosebumps rather than acne.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It's so cold that you have to break the smoke off your chimney.
It’s so cold my money turned into cold, hard cash.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold my hat wrapped itself in a scarf.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold my shadow ended up freezing on the sidewalk.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It’s so cold walruses were visiting the hardware store in search of more insulation.
It was so cold when I turned on the shower, I got hail.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.
It was so cold the mice were playing ice hockey in the toilet bowl.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.