It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It was so cold when I blinked my eyes froze shut.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It’s so cold you could rob me with a bucket of water right now!!
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold that bed bugs promised not to bite you as long as they can snuggle in your pajamas.
It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold that even the polar bears started drinking hot chocolate.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.
It’s so cold our hats have turned into ice caps.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold that when I needed an anesthetic, the dentist told me to stick my head out the hospital window.
It’s so cold I swapped my pillow for a grill.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It's so cold that people look forward to getting a fever.
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold I left Starbuck with mocha lattes and by the time I got to the car I had fudgicles.
It’s so cold the cosmetics counter at the local department store started selling cream for goosebumps.
It’s so cold refrigerators are redundant.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It’s so cold that the Statue of Liberty put her torch inside her dress!
It’s so cold mailmen watch out for both dogs and polar bears.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold that when I dialed the emergency number, there was a recording that said to call back in spring.
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It's so cold that you might have to chop up the piano for firewood (although you’ll only get two chords).
It’s so cold Levi Strauss started making electric jeans.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold chickens are rushing into Kentucky Fried Chicken and begging to use the pressure cooker!
It’s so cold washroom attendants have started putting salt boxes next to the toilets.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold the school nurse has to use a steamer to remove the instruments from the lips of the brass band members after the concert.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold sheep were demanding their wool back.
It’s so cold every kind of cereal in the cupboard is frosted – including the boxes!
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It’s so cold we have to carry around hammers and chisels so we could get out of our clothes!
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It’s so cold we had to chisel the dog off a lamp post.
It’s so cold fish were jumping out of the ice holes and straight into the frying pan.