It’s so cold people with spiked hair were being arrested for carrying around a dangerous weapon.
It’s so cold that I’m breathing out snowflakes!
It’s so cold the rats in the alley were bribing the cats for a snuggle.
It’s so cold the anticipation of waiting for my ketchup to come out of the bottle lasted three months.
It’s so cold I tried to take out the garbage, but it refused to go.
It’s so cold we were afraid to spit because it can ricochet.
It’s so cold pet stores sell hamsters, gerbils, and penguins.
It’s so cold it’s colder than any room packed with ex-wives.
It’s so cold ice cubes are coming out of my tap.
It was so cold firemen couldn’t get the people out of the burning building because it was warm.
It's so cold hitchhikers were holding up pictures of thumbs!
It's so cold that people started chipping their teeth on soup!
It's so cold that trees are chopping themselves into firewood.
It's so cold that polar bears wear jackets.
It’s so cold the aquarium didn’t need to use glass. On the downside, the fish were motionless.
It’s so cold a glacier was seen heading slowly down the main street of our town.
It’s so cold our table cutlery now includes a saw.
It’s so cold cops are tasering themselves.
It's so cold that you have to open the fridge to heat the house.
It's so cold that I’m drinking hot sauce instead of coffee.
It’s so cold I saw an Amish guy buying an electric blanket.
It’s so cold we have to put skates on just to move around the house.
It’s so cold that even the ATM shows minus.
It’s so cold I had to eat ice cream just to warm up.
It’s so cold that I have to wave a blow-torch in front of my nose just to have a sneeze.
It was so cold that I saw a Greyhound bus and the dog was riding on the inside.
It’s so cold we had to stop eating with metal cutlery. Some people walked around for days with spoons or forks stuck to their tongues!
It’s so cold travel agencies are advertising tropical holidays to Alaska.
It’s so cold mum used a saw to serve us milk.
It’s so cold that when we baked the frozen pizza in the oven for 25 minutes, it was still frozen.
It's so cold that the band changed their name to Red Cold Chili Peppers.
It’s so cold the ice cubes in my drink have goosebumps.
It’s so cold we didn’t clean the house, we just defrosted it.
It’s so cold that Jack Frost changed his name to Jack Froze.
It’s so cold dogs are wearing cats.
It’s so cold kids are using a new excuse to stay up late: “But Mom, my pajamas haven’t thawed out yet!”
It's so cold that the optician was giving away free ice scrapers with every new pair of eyeglasses.
It's so cold that the rock rattling around in your shoe is your toe.
It’s so cold that the snowflakes froze in the air and birds used them as stepping stones to get from tree to tree.
It's so cold that when cows are milked, ice cream comes out.
It’s so cold the flames of our fire froze.
It’s so cold the local graveyard put heaters out for the ghosts.
It’s so cold I walk to school with a toaster in my pants.
It’s so cold I saw a gangsta with his pants pulled up.
It’s so cold we had to salt the hallway.
It’s so cold my mail shattered when I tried to open it.
It's so cold that our words froze in midair — we had to put them in a frying pan to thaw them so we could hear what we were talking about.
It’s so cold that Grandpa’s teeth are chattering – in the glass!
It’s so cold pickpockets are sticking their hands in strangers’ pockets just to keep them warm.
It’s so cold I saw Superman taking a taxi.