I like big punts and I cannot lie
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Kicking off the afternoon in the best way possible
Give me some pigskin
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
I made a snap decision to watch football today
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
The goal nine yards
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Beauty is only pig skin deep
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Having a ball
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
I feel tail great!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Case in punt
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
All punts are highly intended
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.