I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Why don't quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage? Because they produce audible groans!
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
Did you hear about the Heisman Trophy candidate who falsified his rushing stats?
The yards were stacked in his favor!
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
Prepare to be bowled over.
We’ll have a ball.
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Join us for plenty of play action.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
We’re calling your number.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
[Beer] This is my number one draft pick.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.