Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Prepare to be bowled over.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What stat do the Miami Dolphins lead every single year?
All Porpoise Yardage!
Case in punt
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
I made a snap decision to watch football today.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
The huddle is real
Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
We’re calling your number.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
[Donuts] We’re going the hole nine yards for this game.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
I’ve never lost a game of football basketball or volleyball!
Though I’ve never played a game either.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
Having a ball
What do you call a boat full of polite football players?
A good sportsman ship
I made a snap decision to watch football today
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.