Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
What must the Oregon football team do before each play?
Get all of their ducks in a row.
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Having a ball this weekend with my best friends
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
Football is one habit I will never kick
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Why did the kicker finally decide to marry his high school sweetheart?
She was a fair catch!
I like big punts and I cannot lie
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Prepare to be bowled over.
Join us for plenty of play action.
What does a mom of a football fan hate the most?
A messi room.
By the seat of one’s punt
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Calm before the score
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
I’m establishing my punning game early today.
You shouldn't wear glasses when playing football...
They say it's a contact sport.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Having a ball
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
Why couldn't the warden decide whether to allow the prison football team play the professional football team?
The idea had its pros and cons.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
No intentional frowning is allowed here.
I almost brought a screwdriver to the football game, but was stopped by security
They said that match-fixing isn't allowed.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
We’ll have a ball.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
Case in punt
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
All punts are highly intended
I’ve been getting blitzed all game
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.