I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
What do you do if a running back swallows the football?
You have to get him to cough it up!
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.
[Chips] This is what I call a chip shot.
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
Why couldn't the skeleton play football?
He didn't have the guts.
What do you call a Spanish football player with no legs?
Gracias.
Why did the football referee have trouble measuring the first down?
Someone was yanking his chain!
Where do sperm play football?
In a con-dome.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
The huddle is real
What do Walter Payton and Luke Skywalker have in common?
They both did great with a hand off!
[Bundled Up Guy] This is what you call man coverage.
Don’t drop the ball – without you, the party will be incomplete.
What did the foot say to the football?
I toed you.
I may not be the biggest football fan, but I love tight ends.
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I’ve been getting blitzed all game.
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Why don’t quarterbacks share puns at the line of scrimmage?
Because they produce audible groans!
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
Did you hear that Notre Dame gave up four interceptions last week?
Knute Rockne would turnover in his grave!
[Food Spread] This is the line of scrumptiousness.
Why should you never go back in time to alter the outcome of a football game?
You’ll be called for past interference!
Prepare to be bowled over.
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Which football playoff team are Star Trek fans rooting for ?
The Green Bay Picards.
Join us for plenty of play action.
The calm before the score
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
By the seat of one’s punt
Why did the uncouth spud not stop talking during the football game?
Because he was a common-tater.
We’ll have a ball.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Why’s it always hot after a football game?
All the fans left.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
We’re calling your number.
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
What kind of insect is bad at football?
A fumble-bee.
Having a ball
Staying humble thanks to that fumble
Why is Cinderella bad at football?
Because she’s always running away from the ball.
What type of football player is the biggest drug addict?
The lineman.
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.