Why did the football coach attempt to destroy the vending machine?
Cuz it wouldn't give him his quarterback.
I had a really good fantasy football team.
Then, My Luck ran out.
By the seat of one’s punt
What is a bird that flies over a football field called?
A fieldgull.
Why is a Tornado the best type of football player?
Because it always gets touchdowns.
Jokes are a lot like American football.
If you haven't gotten anywhere with the first three tries, you'll need to rely on your punner.
Do you know why an octopus is so good at Football?
It gets ten tackles a play.
Football is one habit I will never kick.
Don’t pass on this party – rush on over.
Give me some pigskin
What happened when the football coach’s dog ran onto the field during a game?
He got called for ineligible retriever down field!
This event is sure to be out of bounds.
What do you call a giant that's good at football?
Goaliath.
I’m icing the kicker – and by kicker, I mean beer.
My girlfriend told me she's breaking up with me because of my football obsession.
I told her she'll need to wait till the summer window if she wants a free transfer.
I like your tight end
Which is the coolest football team in Italy?
AC Milan.
Did you hear about the football team that drafted a vending machine?
They really needed a quarter back!
What do you call a horse that is good at football?
Neighhhhh-mar.
What did the football player say to his Chinese son
Go Long!
Why can’t a car play football?
Because it only has one boot.
The football won’t be the only thing spiked at this party.
Why was the football pitch a triangle?
Because someone took a corner
My football teammate asked me, “On a scale of 1-10, how do you rate our after-victory celebration?”
I gave him a high five.
I went to Oxford University, where I was a philosophy major and the starting goalkeeper on the football team.
They called me Soccertes.
The huddle is real
What’s a Movers favorite football team?
The Packers!
A goal new ball game I he a kick outta you
Why did the quarterback suddenly walk off the field?
The coach told him to take a hike!
I feel tail great!
The goal nine yards
All punts are highly intended
Hope you’re wide open on [date].
I just watched Sunday Night Football.
There were Lutz and Lutz of field goals.
A knife tried out for Varsity football.
It didn't make the cut.
If an Octopus were to play football, how many tackles per game would an Octopus have?
Tentacles
We’ll have a ball.
o my friend Justin was late for the football game.
But that’s okay because he arrived Justin time for kickoff.
What’s the difference between a punter and punster?
A punster gets his kicks with bad puns like these!
We’re calling your number.
[Chicken] We’re serving this during the game, so you might call it a live ball fowl.
[Drink] That’s a thirst down!
I have a lot of respect for fans of football teams that consist of only ghosts
They have a lot of spirit.
Why was McGruff the Crime Dog ejected from the football game?
He was called for unnecessary gruffness!
Did I tell you about my new girlfriend who also plays football?
Yeah.. she‘s a keeper
What do you call it when a football player suffers a career-ending injury in his last game before retirement? Gridirony!
Here’s the game plan: [party details]
With salsa, cheese dip, and guac, our bowl game is hot.
Did you hear about the fumbled exorcism? The guy retained possession!
We’ll kickoff the party with some cocktails.
Why wasn’t the pig chosen in the football/soccer team?
It was a ball hogger.