A nun walked into a bar with her clothes on inside out. The bartender asked her about it and she replied, “Its a bad habit.”
What has two butts and kills people?
An assassin.
Why do Norwegians build their own tables?
No Ikea!
Where do you learn to make ice cream?
At sundae school.
This graveyard looks overcrowded.
People must be dying to get in.
I've just watched a T.V. documentary about beavers.
It was the best dam program I've ever seen.
Did you hear about the restaurant on the moon?
Great food, no atmosphere.
What is E.T. short for?
So he can fit in his little spaceship.
No matter how kind you are...
German children are kinder.
What do you call it when the preacher passes gas during his sermon?
A blast from the pastor.
This morning my son said to me, "Can I have a book mark?"
I burst into tears. Ten years old and he still doesn't know my name is Steve.
What are bald sea captains most worried about?
Cap sizes.
Why do Norwegian ships have bar codes on them?
So when they come into port they can Scan-Da-Navy-In!
I was really embarrassed when my wife caught me playing with my son's train set by myself. In a moment of panic, I threw a bedsheet over it. I think I managed to cover my tracks.
When is a cow hairy on the inside and the outside at the same time?
When it's stood in the doorway of the barn.
I always used to get small shocks when touching metal objects, but it recently stopped.
Needless to say, I'm ex-static.
Why did the toilet paper cross the road?
Because it was on a roll.
Why do chicken coops have 2 doors?
Because if they had four doors they would be chicken sedans
Why did the coffee go to the police?
It got mugged.
How many apples grow on a tree?
All of them.
I can't stand stair lifts.
They drive me up the wall!
I'm the Norse god of mischief but I don't like to talk about it.
I guess you could say I'm low-key.