When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will change the spelling.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
There is no chin behind Chuck Norris’ beard. There is only another fist.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris destroyed the periodic table because he only recognizes the element of surprise.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.