Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris used to beat up his shadow because it was following too close. It now stands 15 feet behind him.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.