Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris once round-house kicked a salesman. Over the phone.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Big foot claims he saw Chuck Norris.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
Chuck Norris can speak French... In Russian.
When Chuck Norris was born he drove his mom home from the hospital.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Chuck Norris can speak braille.
If it looks like chicken, tastes like chicken, and feels like chicken but Chuck Norris says its beef, then it's beef.
When Chuck Norris gives you the finger, he's telling you how many seconds you have left to live.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.