Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris has a bear rug.
No it's not dead it's just too scared to move
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris walks into a bar...
The bar breaks in half.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked someone so hard that his foot broke the speed of light
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
In the Beginning there was nothing … then Chuck Norris roundhouse kicked nothing and told it to get a job.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
When Chuck Norris does a pushup, he’s pushing the Earth down.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.