Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
There is no theory of evolution, just a list of creatures Chuck Norris allows to live.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
The Dead Sea used to be alive...
... but then Chuck Norris swam in it.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris is what Willis was talkin about.
Chuck Norris' email address:
Gmail@chucknorris.com
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
Chuck Norris plays russian roulette with a fully loded revolver... and wins.
Brett Favre can throw a football over 50 yards. Chuck Norris can throw Brett Favre even further.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris can start a fire with an ice cube.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
Before he forgot to bring a gift for Chuck Norris, Santa Claus was real.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck Norris doesn’t breathe, he holds air hostage.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris beat the sun in a staring contest.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once ordered a steak in a restaurant. The steak did what it was told.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.