Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
Ghosts are actually caused by Chuck Norris killing people faster than Death can process them.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Since 1940, the year Chuck Norris was born, roundhouse kick related deaths have increased 13,000 percent.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
If Chuck Norris were to travel to an alternate dimension in which there was another Chuck Norris and they both fought, they would both win.
Chuck Norris can slam revolving doors.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris tells Simon what to do.
Chuck Norris doesn’t wear a watch. He decides what time it is.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Time waits for no man. Unless that man is Chuck Norris.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
Chuck Norris does not get frostbite. Chuck Norris bites frost.
Chuck Norris doesn't have good aim. His bullets just know better than to miss.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
In Pamplona, Spain, the people may be running from the bulls, but the bulls are running from Chuck Norris.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris does division, there are no remainders.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris invented airplanes because he was tired of being the only person that could fly.
When Chuck Norris goes skydiving
the earth falls toward him.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
When Chuck Norris smokes a joint
the weed gets high of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris has a diary. It's called the Guinness Book of World Records.
Chuck Norris can stand at the bottom of a bottomless pit.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.