Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
What kind of House does Chuck Norris live in?
A Round House.
When the Boogeyman goes to sleep every night he checks his closet for Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris puts the "laughter" in "manslaughter".
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
Chuck Norris’ cowboy boots are made from real cowboys.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Waldo once insulted chuck norris.
And we all know how THAT'S going.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck Norris can ski up a mountain.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
The saddest moment for a child is not when he learns Santa Claus isn't real, it's when he learns Chuck Norris is.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
Chuck Norris once climbed Mt. Everest in 15 minutes, 14 of which he was building a snowman at the bottom.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Chuck Norris doesn't pet any animals. Animals pet themselves when he approaches them.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris is the only man to ever defeat a brick wall in a game of tennis.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
A bulletproof vest wears Chuck Norris for protection.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
What does Chuck Norris say when fishing?
"you, you and you, get out."
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris caught COVID.
But then he felt bad, so he let it go.
Chuck Norris can clap with one hand.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris never retreats; He just attacks in the opposite direction.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Did you know Chuck Norris was in every star wars movie?
He played the force.
What was going through the minds of all of Chuck Norris' victims before they died?
His Shoe.
What's the one office supply you never want to ask Chuck Norris to give you?
The Three-Hole Punch.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.