Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
What happens when Chuck Norris lifts Thor Hammer?
The hammer explodes because it is not worthy.
Chuck Norris’ calendar goes straight from March 31st to April 2nd, because no one fools Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
When Alexander Graham Bell invented the telephone he had three missed calls from Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris doesn't ever call the wrong number. You just answer the wrong phone.
Chuck Norris doesn't have a roof in his house
Cold and wind don't dare come in.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
Outer space exists because it’s afraid to be on the same planet as Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris breathes air … five times a day.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can tie his shoes with his feet.
Chuck Norris once threw a grenade and killed 50 people
Then the grenade exploded.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Superman owns a pair of Chuck Norris undies.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
Chuck Norris’ tears can cure you of the coronavirus.
Too bad he doesn’t cry.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Chuck Norris can kill your imaginary friends.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Earlier today I was wondering if it was possible to abort Chuck Norris..
..then I realized he was aborted.
When Chuck Norris goes scuba diving
He gives the water the bends.
Naming a bridge after Chuck Norris is a really bad idea
Because no one crosses Chuck Norris.
Why did Chuck Norris wear knee pads?
He never liked Bruised Knee.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
Chuck Norris doesn’t read books. He stares them down until he gets the information he wants.
Chuck Norris' dog is trained to pick up his own poop because Chuck Norris will not take shit from anyone.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
How does Chuck Norris sharpen his blades?
By shaving with them.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
Chuck Norris doesnt eat honey, he chews bees.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris can dribble a bowling ball.
Chuck refers to himself in the fourth person.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.