When Chuck Norris was born, the only person who cried was the doctor. Never slap Chuck Norris.
When Chuck Norris enters a room, he doesn’t turn the lights on,
he turns the dark off.
Chuck Norris knows the last digit of Pi.
When a zombie apocalypse starts, Chuck Norris doesn't try to survive. The zombies do.
Chuck Norris once trew a party.
It still hasn't landed.
Chuck Norris can have both feet on the ground and kick butt at the same time
Chuck Norris is the only person on the planet that can kick you in the back of the face.
When Chuck Norris moved out, his dad became the man of the house.
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris makes onions cry.
Chuck Norris just put up a new sign outside his house...
It says 'Welcome, Spanish Inquisition!'
Chuck Norris once shot an enemy plane down with his finger, by yelling, “Bang!”
When Bruce Banner gets mad he turns into the Hulk. When the Hulk gets mad he turns into Chuck Norris. When Chuck Norris gets mad, run.
Chuck Norris doesn't hoard toilet paper.
He's used the same napkin since 1974. He just scares the sh*t out of it.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
One time Chuck Norris peed in the gas tank of a semi truck as a practical joke.
That truck is now known as Optimus Prime.
On the 7th day, God rested … and Chuck Norris took over.
Chuck Norris ordered a Big Mac at a Burger King. He got it.
Chuck Norris won a 10 minute race after giving his competitors a 10 minute head start.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris had to stop washing his clothes in the ocean. Too many tsunamis.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
This morning Chuck Norris was shot.
Check the news, The bullet is in critical condition
Chuck Norris was once on Celebrity Wheel of Fortune and was the first to spin. The next 29 minutes of the show consisted of everyone standing around awkwardly, waiting for the wheel to stop.
When Chuck Norris enters the room, even the chairs are standing up.
Chuck Norris once went to mars. Thats why there are no signs of life.
Chuck Norris can build a snowman out of rain.
When Chuck Norris writes, he makes paper bleed.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris doesn't cheat death. He wins fair and square.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
It takes Chuck Norris 20 minutes to watch 60 Minutes.
Chuck Norris fell into a black hole.
The black hole couldn't escape.
Chuck Norris has died.
He has since recovered from this mild inconvenience.
Chuck Norris fell down from a 10 story building.
people start gathering around him, asking "What happened? what happened?"
Chuck: "Don't know, I just got here."
Chuck Norris can kill two stones with one bird.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris has a mug of nails instead of coffee in the morning.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
Chuck Norris knows Victoria's secret.
Chuck Norris can only have Chuck Norris as babies.
Because all of his genes are dominant.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
When Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity... he got it back.
Chuck Norris' keyboard doesn't have a Ctrl key, because nothing controls Chuck Norris.
Why did Chuck Norris cross the road?
He didn't. The road moved back underneath him.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.