If you spell Chuck Norris in Scrabble, you win. Forever.
Death once had a near-Chuck-Norris experience.
We live in an expanding universe. All of it is trying to get away from Chuck Norris.
The Great Wall of China was originally created to keep Chuck Norris out. It didn’t work.
Chuck Norris looked directly at the sun today...
And the sun got so scared it hid behind the moon.
Chuck Norris once had a heart attack. His heart lost.
Chuck Norris once heard that nothing can kill him
So he tracked down nothing and killed it.
Some kids pee their name in the snow. Chuck Norris can pee his name in dry concrete.
Chuck Norris sleeps with a pillow under his gun.
Chuck Norris changed a lightbulb...
With one hand he held the bulb, with the other he turned the house.
The dinosaurs looked at Chuck Norris the wrong way once. Once.
Chuck Norris has died aged 79.
But Death is too scared to let him know.
Chuck Norris's Blood Type is AK-47.
Chuck Norris can pick oranges from an apple tree and make the best lemonade youve ever tasted.
Chuck Norris drinks napalm to fight his heartburn.
Chuck Norris doesn't need to flush the toilet. He simply goes "Boo!" and anything in the bowl promptly rushes away.
Freddy Krueger has nightmares about Chuck Norris.
Champions are the breakfast of Chuck Norris.
Chuck Norris once went skydiving, but promised never to do it again. One Grand Canyon is enough.
The only time Chuck Norris was ever wrong was when he thought he had made a mistake.
Chuck Norris is the only person that can punch a cyclops between the eye.
The quickest way to a man’s heart is with Chuck Norris’s fist.
Chuck Norris can hit you so hard your blood will bleed.
Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
Chuck Norris does not own a stove, oven, or microwave , because revenge is a dish best served cold.
Chuck Norris can delete the recycling bin.
Chuck Norris once bowled a perfect game with a marble.
M.C. Hammer learned the hard way that Chuck Norris CAN touch this.
Chuck Norris can beat his reflection at rock paper scissors.
Chuck Norris lost his virginity before his dad did.
Police label anyone attacking Chuck Norris as a Code 45-11.... a suicide.
Chuck Norris can hear sign language.
Chuck Norris can sneeze with his eyes open.
Chuck Norris can cut a knife with butter.
Have you heard that Chuck Norris has started building non-sqaure homes?
He's on a round house kick.
Chuck Norris does not sleep. He waits.
Chuck Norris is a coward!
If that sucker was so brave as people say he would show up here right now and smash my head against my key
The reason the Holy Grail has never been recovered is because nobody is brave enough to ask Chuck Norris to give up his favourite coffee mug.
Chuck Norris doesn’t mow his lawn
He sits on his porch and dares it to grow.
Chuck Norris can drown a fish.
Chuck Norris caught Covid-19 yesterday
The virus is quarantined for two weeks
The chief export of Chuck Norris is pain.
Chuck Norris counted to infinity… twice.
Chuck Norris has a gun for breakfast at ate a glock every morning.
Chuck Norris's computer has no "backspace" button, Chuck Norris doesn't make mistakes.
Chuck Norris spices up his steaks with pepper spray.
It’s a little known fact that chuck Norris was dropped twice as a child.
Once on Hiroshima and once on Nagasaki.
The flu gets a Chuck Norris shot every year.
Chuck Norris once stared into the abyss...
It blinked.
The real reason Hitler killed himself is because he found out that Chuck Norris is Jewish.