Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?