Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.