What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
Which position does the son of Dracula play on the baseball team?
Bat boy.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.