What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
What do a great hitter and a boxer have in common?
Both are serious sluggers.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.