Where do baseball players wash up?
In the bat tub.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
Why do gnomes like baseball? Gnome Runs.
What do you get if you cross a tree and a baseball player? Babe Root.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
The winning home run didn't surprise the hitter. He did it all without batting an eye.The baseball player loved his treadmill and all the home runs.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
Why did DPD rush to Coors Field?
They heard somebody stole third base.
Why do the ladies love baseball?
Because diamonds are a girl's best friend.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
Which author is anxious to write the book: Colorado Rockies, World Series Champs?
Ben Whayten.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What are the rules in zebra baseball?
Three stripes, and you're out.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why did the baseball batter go crazy?
Because the pitcher only threw scewballs.
When the baseball team chose an owl masot, did they get a designated hooter?
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
Where can you find the biggest diamond in the world?
On a baseball field.
What did the mitt say to the baseball?
Hey baby, you're quite a catch.