How do recreational league baseball players stay so cool?
They sit among their fans.
If somebody says "You pitch great for a southpaw," is that a left-handed compliment?
Why was the mummy added to the game as a pinch hitter?
Because the manager knew he could wrap it up.
Why was the nice guy such a lousy baseball player?
Because he never got to home base.
When his wife was preparing his favorite chocolate cake, the baseball player said "Batter Up.
Which cartoon character is the best at baseball?
Homer Simpson.
Why did the pirate captain want to hire a baseball player?
He knew he had a chest protector.
Did you hear the joke about the pop fly? Oh, nevermind. It was over your head...
A baseball walks into a bar. The bartender throws him out.
Which Star Wars movie is a baseball player's least favorite?
The Umpire Strikes Back.
Why did a baseball player decide to take a job at a used car lot during his off season?
He wanted to work on his sales pitch.
Why don't orphans make good baseball players?
Because they don't know where home is.
What do baseball players eat their backyard BBQ on?
Home plates.
What did they call Dracula after his team won the big game?
The Champire.
Baseball point to ponder: Why do we sing "Take Me Out To The Ball Game" at the ballpark, if we're already there?
When is an MLB ballpark the hottest?
After all the fans have left.
Why don't skeletons play baseball?
Because they don't have the heart for it.
Why were there cows on the baseball field?
Because they were looking for the bullpen.
Why did the baseball team recruit a tiny ghost?
Because they needed a little team spirit.
What is the difference between a Yankees fan and a dentist?
One roots for the Yanks, and the other yanks for the roots. OUCH.
Which commandment do baseball players hate the most? Thou shall not steal.
Why are frogs great outfielders?
Because they never miss a fly.
Which classical Greek may have actually invented baseball?
Homer.
Why did the baseball player decide to shut down his website?
It just wasn't getting any hits.
How are baseball umpires and angry chickens alike?
Both make fowl calls.
What do baseball players eat at White Castle?
Sliders.
Do baseball players ever wear armor?
Only during knight games.
What do you get if you cross a baseball pitcher and a carpet?
A throw rug.
What did the baseball glove say to the ball?
Catch ya later.
What do you get if cross a baseball player and a monster?
A double header.
Why don't baseball players join unions?
They don't like to be called out on strike.
Why was the baseball player so good at writing advertising jingles?
Because they're so catchy.
Who wrote the fantasy novel How To Be A Better Baseball Player?
Ben Schwarmer.
Why did the horny duck circle the baseball field?
She hoped to catch some fowl balls.
A spectator at a baseball game wondered why the ball kept getting bigger and bigger. Then, it hit him.
What has 18 legs, spits a lot, and catches flies?
A baseball team.
What keeps the beat in a baseball song?
The bass line.
How can you tell a vampire likes baseball? Every night he turns into a bat.
What's the best advice to give to a young baseball player?
If you don't suceed at first, try second base.
How do baseball players stay in contact with each other?
They touch base every once in a while.
How are ladies' baseball teams and cupcakes alike?
Both are delicious and depend on a good batter.
What did the mathematician do at the baseball game?
Square root for the home team.
What's the difference between a high-hit baseball and a maggot's father?
One is a pop fly and the other is a fly pop.
What happens if you read too many Painful baseball Puns?
You're left in stitches.
What do you call a winged insect that hits home runs?
A fly swatter.
Why don't matches play baseball?
Because one strike, and they're out.
Why did the vampire strike out?
He used the wrong bat.
Which baseball player makes the best pancakes?
The batter.
Why are some umpires fat?
Because they always clean the plate.
And yes, gnomes are always trying to get to first base with the ladies.