What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
A man walks into a library to get a book on suicide.
The librarian says “Do you have a library card?” The man says “no” and leaves.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
Why did the mailman die? Because everybody dies.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.