Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
What did one stranger say to the other? Nothing. They didn’t know each other.
If Arnold has $5 and you have $5, you both have $5.
What did the hand say to the face?
Nothing. Fingers can’t talk.
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
What did the hobo say when he lost his jacket?
I'm cold.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
Yo momma’s so fat that she should probably be worried about the increased risk of cardiovascular disease.
A duck walks into a bar. Animal control is promptly called and the duck is released in a nearby park.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Due to the expansive nature of the universe, many items both natural and manufactured could be described in this manner. Move over, anti-jokes. If you laugh at these dark jokes, you might just be a genius!
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
Why is the fireman buried on the top of the hill?
Because he is dead.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
Why are black people so good at basketball?
Dedication and hard work.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
How do you light a swimming pool on fire?
You don't.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
Knock knock.
Come in.
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks “why the long face?”.
The horse replies “My wife is leaving me and I just got fired."
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
Why can’t Helen Keller drive?
Because she’s dead.
What's yellow and kills you if you get it in your eyes?
A school bus.
Do you know what’s odd? Every other number.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
What’s the one thing in life you can always count on? A calculator.
Why did Dany stay home from the party? She wasn’t invited.
Scientists have proven that cats have more hair on one side. Which side is it?
The outside.
You know what they say? Words.
Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
What’s orange and tastes like an orange? An orange.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
You know you’re a true 90s kid when you look at your birth certificate and it says that you were born between 1990 and 1999.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
Two chemists walk into a bar. The first says “I’ll take a glass of H2O.” The second says “I’ll take a glass of H2O too.”
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
Helium walks into a bar.
He orders a drink and wonders why his parents decided to give him such an unusual name, as he can never find it on personalized souvenirs. Plus, baristas never, ever get it right.
If you took all the veins from your body and laid them end to end, you would die.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
Why did the swan hiss? Biologically, it’s coded in their genes to do so when threatened.
How is a laser beam similar to a goldfish? Neither one can whistle.
Why do seals carry fish in their mouth?
Because they don't have pockets.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”