Why can't T-Rex's clap their hands?
Because they're extinct.
What do you call someone who kills a black person?
Murderer.
You know what they say? Words.
If you were born in France. Raised in England moved to Canada and died in the USA what are you...?
Dead.
What’s brown and sticky? A stick.
What do you call cheese that isn’t yours?
Hand of the buyer with a piece of cheese in the store
Why was John always at the casino? He’s addicted to gambling.
What did one ant say to the other ant? Nothing, ants communicate by pheromones, not speech.
What do you call a French guy flying a plane? A pilot.
Since the bartender is not a chemist, he has no idea that H2O2 is the chemical formula for hydrogen peroxide, and gives both chemists a glass of water. Expecting that one to end a little differently, too? If you’re unfamiliar, this is the (rather dark) way that joke usually ends. Plus, check out some more brainy and hilarious science jokes.
How do you get a clown off a swing?
Hit him with an axe.
What group of people do cops target the most?
Criminals.
What is green, red, yellow, purple and orange?
Colors.
What do you call a 5 foot hobo?
Whatever his name is.
Knock knock.
Who’s there?
To.
To who?
No, “to whom.”
A guy walks into a bar.
Which is unfortunate because he has a drinking problem.
Five little monkeys jumping on the bed,
One fell off and bumped his head.
The momma called the doctor and the doctor said…
“We’re calling Animal Protective Services.”
How do you confuse a blond?
Paint yourself green and throw forks at her.
Parenting is like playing chess.
I don't know how to play chess.
An owl and a squirrel are sitting in a tree and the owl turns to the squirrel and says.
Nothing, because owls can’t talk. The owl then eats the squirrel because it is a bird of prey.
Why did the monkey fall out of the tree?
Because it was dead.
Have you ever noticed that when geese fly in a ‘V’ formation, one line is always longer than the other? That's because there are more geese in that line.
Who shaves at least 20 times a day? A barber.
What’s the difference between a blonde and a bowling ball?
Girl holding bowl colorful variety game indoor.
A screwdriver walks into a bar. The bartender says, “Hey, we have a drink named after you!” The Screwdriver responds, “You have a drink named Murray?”
What do you call a black man on the moon? An astronaut.
What’s black and white and red all over?
Red white black through tissue samples textiles for making clothes
What’s green and has wheels?
Grass, I lied about the wheels.
What’s the one thing in life you can always count on? A calculator.
What do you call a cross between a joke and a rhetorical question?
What did Buzz Lightyear say to Woody?
A lot. There were three movies, and a couple short films too.
What has five fingers and looks human?
A severed hand.
A horse walks into a bar and the bartender asks him, “Why the long face?” The horse says, “Evolution.”
Guess what I saw today. Everything I looked at.
Why did the teacher tell Jamie she was wearing too much makeup? Because she was wearing too much makeup.
Yo mama's so old, she’s probably going to die soon.
Why is 6 afraid of 7?
It’s not. Numbers aren’t sentient and are therefore incapable of feeling fear.
Why couldn't the dragon be a fireman?
Because dragons aren't real.
Why is there no Aspirin in the rain forest?
Because it wouldn’t be financially viable to try to sell pharmaceuticals in the vastly unpopulated rain forest.
A duck walks into a bar, the bartender says, “What’ll it be?” The duck doesn’t say anything because it’s a duck.
What’s a vampire’s favorite food?
Vampires aren’t real.
Stolen. Stealing is bad and you should return it. Here are some of our favorite corny puns that are so bad they’re good.
Want to hear something that’ll make you smile?
Your face muscles.
A man walks into a bar. “Ouch.”
Why did Benjamin get sick after eating too much ice cream? He was lactose intolerant.
A priest, a rabbi, and a monk walk into a bar.
They all get a drink, because bars in America are legally required to serve people of all religions.
In France, They don’t say “I love you”
Because they don’t speak English there.
What do you call 100 lawyers at the bottom of the ocean? A horrible boating accident.
Why can’t Tommy the T-Rex clap? Because dinosaurs have been extinct for 65 million years.
Knock knock.
Come in.