"The main point of a cruise is to eat until you weigh the same as the boat."
“I couldn’t repair your brakes, so I made your horn louder.”
– Steven Wright
"I haven’t worn these trousers since I bought them. I should definitely pack them for my 3-day vacation. Just in case."
"Everyone’s a little bit crazy and a little bit loud. But everyone’s sharing a generous amount of love."
"Airplane travel is nature's way of making you look like your passport photo."
- Al Gore
"There are two kinds of travel – first class and with children."
– Robert Benchley
"I love those days when my only decision is whether to go to the beach in the morning or in the afternoon."
Of all the books in the world, the best stories are found between the pages of a passport.
"Why do we love the sea? It is because it has some potent power to make us think things we like to think."
- Robert Henri
"Being on vacation with my family has brought me so much closer to my iPad."
“When preparing to travel, lay out all your clothes and all your money. Then take half the clothes and twice the money.”
— Susan Heller
“There is nothing safer than flying, it’s crashing that is dangerous.”
- Theo Cowan
"Like all bad drivers, he thought he was the best driver in the world."
- Rebecca West
“Driving at night is about communicating with lights.”
— Lukhman Pambra
"Low self-esteem is like driving through life with your hand-brake on."
- Maxwell Maltz
“Roadtripophobia (n.) The fear of not having any road trips currently booked.“
"I have been to almost as many places as my luggage."
“Too bad that all the people who know how to run the country are busy driving taxicabs and cutting hair.”
– George Burns
"You call it chaos. We call it a family vacation."
"Help me! I'm on a family vacation!"
“I’ve had entire relationships that didn’t get as far as these airport security checkpoints.”
— Michael LeRoux
"We travel, initially, to lose ourselves, and we travel, next to find ourselves."
- Pico Iyer
"When traveling with someone, take large doses of patience and tolerance with your morning coffee."
– Helen Hayes
“Because the greatest part of a road trip isn’t arriving at your destination. It’s all the wild stuff that happens along the way.”
– Emma Chase
“A car’s weakest part is the nut holding the steering wheel.”
“The one thing that unites all human beings, regardless of age, gender, religion, economic status, or ethnic background, is that, deep down inside, we all believe that we are above-average drivers.”
– Dave Barry
“When going on a vacation, I wish I could load my wallet with money as much as I can overpack my luggage.”
"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbour. Catch the winds in your sails. Explore. Dream. Discover."
- Mark Twain
"I wish I was a postcard. For under a dollar, I could travel to any location in the world."
"Europeans: I drove 40 minutes to spend the weekend in Paris, then popped to Germany to visit family on the way home. Australians: I was in Queensland and drove for 18 hours. Now I’m still in Queensland."
"I’m a travel fiend on the road to recovery. Just kidding. I’m headed to the airport."
"A vacation frequently means that the family goes away for a rest, accompanied by a mother who sees that the others get it."
— Marcelene Cox
“You know, somebody actually complimented me on my driving today. They left a little note on the windscreen, it said 'Parking Fine'.”
― Tommy Cooper
“You’re not truly a parent until you’ve yelled at your kid for drinking fluid on a road trip because now they have to pee again.”
— Abe Yospe
“Never underestimate the therapeutic power of driving and listening to very loud music.”
“Driving is boring,” Rabbit pontificates, “but it’s what we do. Most of American life is driving somewhere and then driving back wondering why the hell you went.”
– John Updike
“Straight roads are for fast cars, turns are for fast drivers.”
— Colin McRae
“Any man who can drive safely while kissing a pretty girl is simply not giving the kiss the attention it deserves.”
— Albert Einstein
"A journey is like marriage. The certain way to be wrong is to think you control it."
- John Steinbeck
"What does it mean to pre-board? Do you get on before you get on?"
- George Carlin
"You call it a pandemonium. We call it a family vacation."
"Imagine being on a plane and NOT eating every item presented to you as if you will never again have ready access to food in your life."
- Jia Tolentino
“The inventor of cobblestones was clearly not communicating with the inventor of luggage wheels.”
"How can people my age plan spontaneous trips to Thailand, I can barely afford a spontaneous soft pretzel."
"Parents don’t really go on holidays. They just look after their kids in a different country for a while."
"I feel like most of my work problems could be solved with a trip to…anywhere."
“Aerodynamics are for people who can’t build engines.”
– Enzo Ferrari
"There is no unhappiness like the misery of sighting land again after a cheerful, careless voyage."
- Mark Twain
"Only on a cruise shiip will you pay hundreds of dollar a day to sleep in a closet."
“Thanks TSA, I haven’t been touched like that since prom night.”
— Meaghan O’Connell